you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
