i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
