i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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