why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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