Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
