Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
