Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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