You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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