A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Randomize
