I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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