So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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