Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
