I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
