Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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