Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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