I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
