I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
