i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
