i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
