Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
