i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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