i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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