I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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