just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
where am i from again
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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