Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to calm my uterus...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize