she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
