you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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