I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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