i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
