eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
