i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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