Who wears a wallet chain?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
