But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
