Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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