If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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