i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
