at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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