one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
