When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
