I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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