So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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