I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
