I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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