At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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