That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
