i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
