will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
