Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
this hospital has no fireball
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
