census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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