giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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