saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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