you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize