Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
