im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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