She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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