she was so not down for the gang bang
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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