every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
