Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
