and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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