You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
