I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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