so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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