Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
