Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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