How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
