Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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