Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How naked do you want me to be?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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