i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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