Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's blow job season.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
