There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
