Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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