it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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