im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
