She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
