just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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