she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
