Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
