I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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