i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
