well I can't set my house on fire every night
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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