You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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